ALONE....
I WROTE THIS LINES SOME WEEKS AGO, just in rapid wheeze, without thinking much of the way I was writing or if it sounded good, I just needed to let it out as I was feeling my spirits going down because of the many things tormenting me at the time. I came back to re-read it and decided not to make any changes. Is not very elegant, but is true to my feelings and the obscure state of mind i was in. We all have them every once in a while, I am sure. Nevertheless, lately this kind of feelings are becoming more and more real, as I have been lately going through a time full of extraordinary changes in my routinely boring but pacific state of affairs in life, health issues, hard decisions to make, family matters and all sorts of things that makes a life a very esoteric affair....
ALONE
something is really changing,
I don't laugh as often as I used to laugh,
I don't do many things that i couldn't
let a day pass without turning to.
I am getting old, I say to myself,
I am getting old and sad,
I feel depressed most of my time
longing for things that I can't have anymore.
I recently spent some weeks in a foreign country
where having a simple life was just out of the question,
I felt ashamed of myself for hosting this feelings
while my host and friend wanted my uttermost happiness.
This country was packed with little people,a sort of Lilliput,
with every squared inch of soil overcrowded
by millions of little guys yelling, screaming, attacking
each other like Romans centurions taking over jerusalem.
Houses so small you can't be inside them without disturbing somebody's territory. streets where respect of any essential civil rights is absolutely denied where you are run over by a car and it's only your fault for having legs for walking instead of wheels for killing, where people hit you and rob you but you can't complain without fear because if you take the matter to the police you are in big danger to be threatened and assaulted once more by this thieves in uniform,
where if you own a house and the tennant doesn't pay you and moreover, he show you a gun or hit you, saying tha his uncle is a high authority in this world of dwarfs you can't do anything to put him on the street because you'd be violating his human rights, so he can stay for many months, maybe years living in your house without paying, the law is on his side, be careful you don't bother him. Funny country, i wouldn't come back if they pay me
Burning rooms where there's no moment
of peace for your blazing sorrow and anger,
people gathering outside windows drinking,
cursing, bawling, always behindhand in giving it a rest.
Evenings: eternal, nights: sleepless,
children and youngsters out crying boisterous
rackets so deep into next morning,
You cannot read or listen to yourself anymore
This is a different world,
is something I don't wanna live with,
I rather read about them in my books than meet them at all
I'm so obfuscated, I miss my home.
I made some decisions as of late,
totally in control of my inner voice and my conscience
when so many things in my life
are turning gradually into an big scornful slap against my whole self.
And this decisions are basically things that I demand
to regain the placidness of live I have always treasured
as my most valuable assets in life,
being upbeat to myself is being happy with the world
I never lived among hordes of people before,
and as my years goes further
I love to be more and more on my own
reading, writing, thinking, that's all I want from now on.
Social time is something I don't need no more,
people around distracts me
from my purest happiness:
Solitude, peace, knowledge......
The only happiness I look for now
Is the happiness of being alone at home
That's what I want to be, Alone,
Alone with my own so I can be in touch with the world again.
I guess I will need to come back and give it some form...
Comments:
Member Points: 3369
thanks welbedag and smokey, here are the good friends, that\s all i need by now
Member Points: 90
Hello, I feel your loneliness, its a burning pain, that makes you wanting to jump out of your skin. The idea of being alone is not bad, but be careful, you do need people that loves you to give you perpespecting and make you realise all is not lost! We are made as social human beings, we do need that special friend, (not just talking about a lover or wife - that will be a bonus!) maybe and older person also with wisdom on life, you can share your thoughts with , just listening. We came into this world alone, and will leave alone, but while we here we need others (whether bad or good) to inspire us, to get to know ourselfs, to be able to give and to receive, to help and to be helped. This world is so imperfect, but for a reason, to help us to grow and develop. to experience bad situations and the way some people live, and the heartship, should make one grateful for what you have and remember the story of the starfish! You take care, smell the fresh air, look at the stars and if it is not around, look for something beautiful, even if you have to look hard, YOU WILL find it!
Member Points: 490
I feel your pain brother. Don't worry. Be true to your heart but don't let it deceive you. That is the hard part. Doing the right thing is not always doing what you want. Sometimes it's doing what you need.
im with you brother
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